Betty ford says i'm here all night
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
