Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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