I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
