DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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