I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Alive.
So much puke
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
