is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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