walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
