i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
