The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
