Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
