3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
