I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
