Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
