I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
