I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
