I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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