You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
