apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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