Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
