i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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