I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
