We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
