Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
