When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
