giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
