he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
