i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
