OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
