so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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