why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
