Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
