I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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