Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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