Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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