i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dicks are not precious.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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