There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
