yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You can't just leave with hair like that
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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