i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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