I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
