and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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