we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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