I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
