forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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