party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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