there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
