I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
