There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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