Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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