oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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