I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
