I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
