Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
