Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
