this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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