I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize