Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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