So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
