I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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