Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
