You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
