Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
