So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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