It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
